When it comes to searching for parenting advice on the internet, trust the majority of the blogosphere if it ever comes down to you and your wife agreeing to something like “OMG BRO. I just had a great idea! Let’s dress our 3-year-old daughter up like a whore and enter her in a beauty pageant so we can get on TV YEAAAAA!”.

I’m not too sure if TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras is appropriately vilified enough for the esteemed title of “train-wreck” as given by Twinfinity, but rather more like the ETERNAL APOCALYPSE OF CHILD DAMNATION.

See. You can learn things from a train-wreck and correct them. Like “what safety operating procedure did that train conductor ignore to cause such a grave disaster?”. You can’t learn anything from this show – which kind of goes against the definition of “The Learning Channel”. The only thing I learned is how messed up these kids are going to be in life.

Galton is correct. Darwin knew his sh*t.

See the problem lies in nuture, not nature. It’s so awesome when television gives us these magnificent humans to observe; a glass zoo containing the lowest forms of society. However, the show is completely innocent. The trickle down effect of who-raised-who-and-how is the catalyst for these lunatic fringe of idiots.

Nurture plays a vital role in determining how a child is influenced by nature. There are many factors which include false representations of how reality is perceived (every photo in magazines has two stories; a before and an after).

Users, like us, have a responsibility to be the filters of nature. Our own regurgitation of reality is what really fuels this nurturing instinct we pass on to our children. It should be pretty self-explanatory that this show on TLC is bat sh*t ridiculous. We should possess a primal instinct to guide our children and walk the seemingly thick line of raising douche bags or really awesome kids.

Basic i/o (input/output) logic:

  1. Eat McDonald’s > feel like sh*t an hour later.
  2. Sport some Ed Hardy > get treated like douche.

One important thing to note about Nature vs. Nuture:

Nature is NOT Little Mac and Nurture isn’t Bald Bull.

This isn’t a Title Bout. They work together like good old Doc Louis and Little Mac. Float like a butterfly, sting like you just won 1st place in a beauty pageant, BITCH.

All Galton aside, I get this show. Really, I do. I understand why the parents exploit their children like this. I understand the motives, the drive of competition, the desire to be the best in a particular realm. And then I cry a little on the outside. Kind of like Kicking Bird.

It’s pretty sad to think that these old, seemingly mature-looking parents never had the opportunity or self-confidence to pursue their dreams of one day aspiring to be accepted by society and attempt to receive the proper attention they crave. That’s why I write articles like this on a blog. Because I count my tears before I go to sleep at night.