Epidemic: Vampire Baby Pacificers
Congratulations, you’re mortal! Publish to Facebook?
You could go one step further and buy some Billy Bob pacifiers for your newly acquired oxygen consumer. It would totally make sense for you to do this, plus everyone will stay away from you and your baby.
Except none of it would actually make sense. Why? I did some research on this, and here’s what I found:
#1. Vampires can’t have babies. F*ck you, I looked it up. Which leads to #2.
#2. No one will believe your baby is a vampire. See #1.
#3. Breastfeeding will be painfully awkward, not to mention really really bloody.
Your baby doesn’t have fangs and neither do you. You’re not vampires, so stop it. Your baby will thank you later, you daywalker.