Now that your kids have been back to school for about a month, it’s time to sit back and say “thank god.” You’ve got some me-time on your hands now if you’re a stay-at-home or work-at-home parent, and your kids are off learning helpful stuff like how to color within the lines, sing the national anthem in unison and march in a straight line. If they’re a little older, they might already be learning advanced skills like rifle marksmanship and how to spot a dissident in a crowd. Admittedly, I haven’t been to school in awhile, so I don’t know if the curriculum has changed.

Recently, the Wall Street Journal rehashed a story about how kids that actively refuse school ultimately end up as 40-year old basement-dwelling bags of crap. Here’s the quick facts on kids that experience “school-refusal”, from different studies done on children over long periods of time (according to WSJ’s research): They are almost three times as likely to develop depression later on (than those without the school-based anxiety disorder). 20 to 29 years later they received more psychiatric treatment than the general population. Years later, they drank alcohol more often and were more likely to use marijuana than those whose disorders had resolved. And finally, they were more likely to make fear-fueled choices that can have longterm effects, such as selecting a less-rigorous college or a less challenging career. And all this meant that ultimately, the children were more likely to end up back at home (if they managed to leave in the first place), and back on mommy and daddy’s couch.

Think about that for a second before you invent an illness to excuse your child from school. If you think you’ve got no privacy now, imagine what it will be like in your golden years when you’ve still got to worry about your kid hearing you hump.

Yes, I just totally made you think about old people humping. My job here is done.

Sauce: WSJ