It’s been covered time and time again: television is bad, and too much television is worse. Most journals and scientific outlets have narrowed down a preschooler’s “window of worse” to 2 hours per day – or, in terms you’ll understand, two episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba, and two episodes of Dora the Explorer. But dude, that’s like…8am to 10am! What’s your kid supposed to do during the rest of the day?!

Turns out that everyone’s zombifying their children, or at least 66%, which is pretty much everyone. Children in home-based child care spend an average of 5.6 hours/day watching the tube, with center-based child care-goers at a marginally-better 3.2 hours/day. Children not attending child care averaged 4.4 hours/day.

The parents in the study gave an average of two middle fingers per person per day to the researchers, saying “it’s nice you guys get paid to make us feel inadequate as parents.” No one actually said that, but it’s fun to dream.

And the unfunny bummer of it all – television zombie-kids tend to be more aggressive, more overweight, and have more developmental speech problems.

In related news, 66% of parents in your daddy’s group are totally down for a weekly movie night.