So I was on the internet today and coincidentally searching for something completely unrelated to what I wanted to currently write about. I think I was going through Back To The Future II mp3s or something. Anyways I landed on Wikipedia and then this dude comes out of nowhere and slaps me in the face.

May or may not be the original caption.

The words “new father” grabbed my attention right off the bat as I said to myself, “Heyyyyyyyy I’M A NEW FATHER 2!!!1one!”. Whether that was a coincidence or some pure form of mind blowing Minority Report advertising, I will never find out. Nevertheless, I stood up from my chair and proceeded to applaud in the direction of my screen.

Okay this peaked my interest a little. So I thought I would mosey on over to my left mouse button to see what this dude wants.

He wants MONEY! DOY of course! Well, Jimmy Wales does. 16 million dollars to be exact.

But Jimmy’s ONLY doing it for the USERS (and for himself and other employees) to keep the site ad free and “running smooth”. Right. He’s really thinking of us and the cash we burn to afford internet service so we can wack off to his ad free site. Right. Wait a minute. If you have to ADVERTISE a donation… then…

ISN’T THAT AN ADVERTISEMENT!?

For the love of Dude just take down the annoying full page sympathy ads that beg for donations and get some real advertising that is related to keywords on the page. Then bam. Or cha-ching. Whatever you want to make.

So getting back to this particular tug-at-the-heart-strings-of-poor-old-dad ad they have up now.

Here’s the thing. If I’m thinking about my child, the first thing I think of when I hear ‘education’ is schools. Not Wikipedia. Their website is not that important to a lot of people. It’s a great resource… but it’s like a cell phone. Sure, we use the sh*t out of it now but we did fine without it too. Maybe we even did better as a society without it.

So listen up, Sage. Congratulations on your son. That’s really cool you’re reading and spending time with him in front of a professional photographer. But you didn’t convince me hard enough to take my hard-earned money away from my daughter’s college future. Tuition has risen 32% already this year for UC schools and if I want to be able to put her through college, I’m gonna need like 452% more money than what it costs today.

Or maybe I can just slap a couple of ads on this site…