Splice Today writer Collin David’s got a niece that’s obsessed with Justin Bieber. I can relate – I don’t even have any nieces, and I still somehow have a niece that’s into Justin Bieber.

David takes you through a humorous mental journey through his disdain for the “cult of celebrity,” his niece’s fanaticism with the Bieber Empire, and his own obsession with Nintendo back when he was 10.

The jewel of his conclusion: “So, I await the collapse of my niece’s Bieberphilia, hoping that it doesn’t transform into her mother’s old Marilyn-Manson-and-screwing-every-boy-in-town phase.” Zinnnnnnng!