Geek Dad writer Don Martelli offered his fatherly expertise, posing five reasons why the Apple iPad was made to keep parents from losing their s**t. And Martelli isn’t just doing the Anytown Daily News thing and saying “there’s lots of educational apps!”

Martelli’s got a couple of compelling reasons – most of which boil down to a parent’s most important skill: the art of distraction. According to Martelli, some of the best times to flip an iPad over to your spawn are during potty training and in the grocery store. Not bad, Martelli – I kind of wish I had one at those times too.

And yes, I’m going to go there – if at all possible, put your iPad into “airplane” mode so just in case we still believe that cell signals cause cancer, you’re not baking your kid’s head under the guise of your own convenience. Just sayin’.