We here at 8BitDad would like to be the first to welcome The Bieb’s into fatherhood. And say whaaaaaaaat – we beat Perez to the punch on this?

Well, it’s not an easy role, being a father. Well at first it is, you know, since the woman – or girl in this case – has to do all the work, being pregnant and ultimately – again, in this case – keeping it quiet for 12 months.

So before shocking allegations are revealed, I’d like to just say that this dude is 17. AND a pisces. The f*cker shares my birthday of March 1st. I know for a FACT that Bieber is in some serious sh*t with this chick because after reading their “brief” uh.. 30 seconds? Really, dude? Damn.

Okay, I’m google’ing this girl, Mariah Yeater… and… great. All I come up with is Rumer Willis. Gross.

Anyways, you’re in for some serious Conrad Murray competition for some ‘bloids, as we like to call them ’round these parts, so have a merry f*cking Christmas. Cause that’s how long it’s gonna take for all this sh*t to be sorted out.

For the record, I’m gonna call this one as truth. I’m not betting, but I will go on record today, November 1st, saying that this dude will have to get a blood test and he will ultimately end up on Maury.

I’m never wrong.