We don’t always award the prestigious “Scumbag-Father-O-The-Week Award” to back-to-back elected officials…but when we do it’s because they’ve either whipped the ever-loving piss out of their disabled daughters, or they’ve recently been recognized for their “commitment to uphold the institutions of marriage and family” while, at the same time, being a vindictive divorcé as well as a deadbeat dad.

Illinois Representative Joe Walsh (R-8th congressional district) is this week’s honoree, after being awarded a 100% rating for “True Blue Members” by the Family Research Council (FRC). The FRC is a “social conservative advocacy non-profit” that equivocates “faith and freedom” issues, such as anti-abortion support and repeal of Health Care Reform, with so-called “pro-family values.” We’ve all probably got different definitions for what “pro-family values” are, but I think of one possible “family values” issue is spending time together. I’m inclined to believe that Rep. Walsh is not an advocate of paid paternity leave. He would probably consider it socialism, and that would probably drop his 100% FRC rating to a 0.04% rating. And Walsh is no socialist. He’s 100% “True Blue,” basically doing whatever it is the FRC tells him to do.

But his politics isn’t really why I’m calling shenanigans about this award (and even more importantly, calling Rep. Walsh a bastard). Check out this scumbag’s full rap sheet after the jump, and you tell me if this guy is a “True Blue” family man.

Okay, so where to begin? I’ve got it, let’s get into the $117,000 Rep. Walsh owes his ex-wife in child support for his three kids. Of course a “True Blue” family man is only responsible for the kids he hasn’t divorced, right? RIGHT?!? Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to charge Walsh a penny for each dollar of child support he owes, and then I’m going to dock him a mere hundredth of a percent for every one of those pennies from my own ad hoc 8BD “family values” rating. This still leaves Rep. Walsh with a respectable 88.3% rating here at 8BitDad.

But let’s get into some more facts.

Apparently the reason he hasn’t paid his child support is because he “had no money.” This, despite an annual salary of $174,000 (the 2011 rate for a sitting member of congress – dang, I’m in the wrong business), and ALSO despite the fact that he lent his election campaign $35,000 (of which he reimbursed himself $14,200). Using my previous (highly generous) scheme of calculating Rep. Walsh’s revised 8BD rating, this leaves him with an uglier 67.4% ($174,000 + $35,000 = $209,000; a penny on the dollar leaves only a sum of $2,090; a hundredth of a percent for each penny gives him a 20.9% hit to his previous 88.3% rating). Transparency in reporting, muggles. Fair and balanced.

So is there anything else that is going to hurt this guy’s damaged 8BD “family values” rating?

Yes, and I’m glad you asked.

Rep. Walsh also turned down the Congressional Health Insurance Plan, standing on principle for his “family and freedom values.” The Congressional Health Insurance Plan is no joke, either. It’s a pretty good plan. It is sometimes lauded by critics of congress because it is a better plan than what is offered to the U.S. military, and, as a military member, I personally think that the plan we get is pretty dang good, relative to a lot of folks I know who don’t have it.

Declining the Congressional Health Insurance Plan on principle turns out to be kind of a boner for Rep. Walsh too, because his wife, who has a pre-existing condition, needed surgery while the couple was uninsured.

Wait, hold on…did you say his current wife? Why, yes. Yes I did.

So this guy, because of “freedom and families” principles – the same principles that the FRC is awarding him for – is essentially screwing his current wife out of health care that he is actually entitled to? What a family man!

Let’s see what that costs him in the ad hoc 8BD “family values” rating. Well, would you look at that! A move like that costs you exactly 67.4% of your total rating. What a drag for Rep. Walsh. He’s leaving here tonight with a big, fat, family ZERO!

The bastard…