So, you just had a very public ordeal where some girl accused you of knocking her up in a Staples Center bathroom after your own concert. The news was all over and you went from teen heart-throb to possible dad. The average person never even heard that the gal dropped the charges, so there’s a good chunk of the population that still thinks you’re a dad. What’s your next move?

Well, come out with a perfume and a commercial for it – and in the commercial, address fathers directly and let them know their daughters are whores, naturally.

I mean, that’s what I’d do. And that’s what the Biebs did. Bieber wants us fathers to buy this perfume for our daughters. But why? Quoth the Bieber: “So next time you hear her scream my name, relax. It’s better than hearing her scream ‘Joey’ who lives next door.”


The good news – proceeds from perfume sales go to Pencils of Promise and the Make A Wish Foundation.

So if you’re in the market for a new perfume, check out Justin Bieber’s “Someday.” – it’s evidently floral, wonderful, and encourages being flirty and saving yourself for that special moment. Or something.

Also, the bottle looks like a space vagina.

Check out the commercial in the sauce at Uproxx, where Bieber’s given another appropriate roasting.