So, you just had a very public ordeal where some girl accused you of knocking her up in a Staples Center bathroom after your own concert. The news was all over and you went from teen heart-throb to possible dad. The average person never even heard that the gal dropped the charges, so there’s a good chunk of the population that still thinks you’re a dad. What’s your next move?

Well, come out with a perfume and a commercial for it – and in the commercial, address fathers directly and let them know their daughters are whores, naturally.

I mean, that’s what I’d do. And that’s what the Biebs did. Bieber wants us fathers to buy this perfume for our daughters. But why? Quoth the Bieber: “So next time you hear her scream my name, relax. It’s better than hearing her scream ‘Joey’ who lives next door.”

OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JUSTIN?

The good news – proceeds from perfume sales go to Pencils of Promise and the Make A Wish Foundation.

So if you’re in the market for a new perfume, check out Justin Bieber’s “Someday.” – it’s evidently floral, wonderful, and encourages being flirty and saving yourself for that special moment. Or something.

Also, the bottle looks like a space vagina.

Check out the commercial in the sauce at Uproxx, where Bieber’s given another appropriate roasting.