Hot off the dress of yesterday’s Six Princess Books For Parents Who Hate Princess Books story, we have a fresh, adult female perspective into the teachings of princesses – as it were. Though disavows any type of Boys Club content – whatever that is, us dads maybe? – I was curious as to what the self-proclaimed ultimate entertainment destination for smart, independent and creative females had to say.

I have a daughter and I read girl blogs. Wanna fight about it?

Vanessa King wrote an article today called Things Ariel Taught Me, saying, “she (Ariel) is living-cartoon proof that you can achieve everything you want out of life, circumstances be damned.” Turns out for girls, there are decent princess seedlings that can be embedded into the subconscious. Though not every princess movie has the potential to be analyzed in this much depth, this article works. Vanessa goes on to list some rather cheeky renderings of The Little Mermaid that left me rather astonished as a father to a 15-month-old girl:

  • Never show up late to a party your parents are throwing. Hell will break loose and you’ll be blamed.
  • You don’t have to be satisfied with the status quo: it’s okay to push the envelope, just remember to watch out for sharks.
  • One cavern can hold a lot of wonders and being a little bit of a hoarder is okay as long as nobody knows about it. You’re totally screwed if your Dad finds out, though.
  • Everyone needs a Dinglehopper. Snarfblats will get you in trouble. So will boys.
  • Jamaicans are the voice of reason. Listen to them.
  • Love at first sight is never reliable, especially when one of you may have a concussion.
  • Always read the fine print on any contract you sign. Pay extra attention to troublesome clauses that contain specific dates, mentions of “sundown” and/or “kisses of true love”.
  • If you like a guy, it’s okay to make the first move. If you don’t, there’s a chance he’ll marry someone else.
  • Persistence is key. Ambition will get you everywhere.
  • Your friends really do have your back.
  • …and perhaps the most important think Ariel taught me? Every woman needs her own voice.

The last one nailed it.

The Little Mermaid is being re-released in 3D September 2013 and my wife, then-3-year-old daughter and I will see Vanessa at the front of the line. Check out the full article in the sauce below.