End of Civilization

If you ever wanted to know how and why humanity is doomed to fail, look no further than the commercials interspersed during your kids’ favorite television shows. Though there’s been a recent resurgence of cool superhero stuff out there in toy stores, not all kid products are created equal. Among the newly-gendered LEGO sets, NERF sniper rifles and we-swear-its-not-just-marshmallows cereal commercials, you see just how low humanity can get.

How low? Well, let’s just put it this way: imagine everything you can exist without owning. Now take those ideas and make them worse.

Then head over to the next page for three prime examples (plus a bonus!) of why the meteor needs to end us sooner rather than later.

Squishy Baff

If you’re a raging alcoholic and want to be reminded of fun party drinks even while you’re not drinking, Squishy Baff has you covered. You can instantly make your kid’s bath look like a margarita, and all you’ve got to do is add some lemon slices, rim the tub with salt and let your kid play!

Everything about the idea of Squishy Baff screams “People of Walmart“:

Squishy Baff is touted in the commercial (@ 0:25) as:

  • No Artificial Fragrance
  • Environmentally Safe
  • Won’t Clog Drains
  • No Preservatives
  • No irritants
  • Made in UK
  • Not Tested on Animals

Now, first off, the biggest selling point: Made in UK. Second, do we really ever worry about preservatives in non-edible things? And if this stuff’s so safe and non-irritable, then why am I terrified by the warnings on the back of the packaging?