Real talk: a Pakistani father was kidnapped and kept in a cave until he shaved his mustache. He continues to receive death threats and has gone into hiding until this mess blows over, which it won’t, because he vows to never shave the mouth brow again.

Businessman and father of 10, Malik Amir Mohammad Khan Afridi had become somewhat of a local hero with his 30-inch oiled, combed, twirled and styled mustache. Then, the 48 year old Afridi started receiving threats from the Lashkar-e-Islam, a militant Islamic group in Pakistan. First, the group wanted $500 per month for safety insurance. Afridi denied and soon found himself kidnapped and in a cave, with demands that he trim or shave his glorious lip-python. That was in 2009.

I didn’t make this up.

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