Kids are back to school, and – duh – they all need braindead stuff like a backpack, notebooks and pencils. But my kid is special, see. My kid is a snowflake. He’s got pencils, but he needs pizzazz.
So naturally, I’ve compiled a list of the top five things (there’s more, dudes, but attention span) that my special little snowflake needs for back-to-school time. Your kid probably doesn’t need them because I’ve seen your kid. He’s okay, but he’s all boogery and I can tell from the look in his eye that he’s not a go-getter. You want a go-getter? Dude, you can’t handle a go-getter if you even hesitated answering for a fraction of a second. This list isn’t for you, Mr. Mediocre.
I’ll admit it: Yes, I started an Instagram account for my 5 year old son.
I’ve been trying to find digital-age bonding methods for my son and I. Sure, we do all that old world stuff – play catch, cook together, read together, play with Legos. But we also bond over photography – and when my son started to commission me to take photos of things to post to my own account, I thought “why can’t he do this too?”
Parents! Touch down your helicopters and pull away from your Excel-based poop schedule pivot tables and put down your “baby’s first binary” flash cards. This is something that’s gonna really rev your rotors.
So there’s this new thing called the Sproutling, which – TL;DR – gives you full-on info about your baby right on a phone app. See, now you won’t even have to peel yourself off Facebook or Candy Crush to check on your baby. Not that you ever thought you’d have to.
The Sproutling is currently taking preorders and will be shipping March 2015. That’s like, the future, Marty.