Guard Your Grill

Fatherhood is dangerous – just ask a testicle.

A study of 2,000 fathers in England found that dads are hurt to the tune of 22 injuries a year. Most of the injuries are related to the kids – whether it’s during play with them or tripping over a toy left behind. Or having their child speedbag their scrotum during a play-fight.

The struggle is real.

British insurance company, There, commissioned the study. Fewer than 20% of the dads polled had health insurance, and less than half had life insurance. The boots-on-the-ground statistics play out like every dad’s nightmare…

By the Numbers:

  • 40% of fathers feel that walking across a toy-covered carpet is the most dangerous aspect of being a parent.
  • 20% of fathers need to take time off of work after an injury sustained during family play time.
  • 10 days is the average amount of time fathers took off of work with an family-play injury, usually from back injury.
  • Just under one third of fathers have been head-butted by their children.
  • 25% of fathers said that they regularly tweak something while play-fighting with their children.
  • 20% of fathers were injured doing something that they themselves admitted they were too old to be doing.

Per Year Stats:

  • Dad trips over a cat or dog four times per year.
  • Dads trip over an article of clothing or another belonging left out four times per year.
  • Dad steps on a toy or plug four times per year.
  • Dad bashes his shin or elbow on something that the kids have left out three times per year.
  • Accidental crotch hits land twice per year.

The twice-yearly crotch shot stat seems really low, though fathers of young kids will no doubt receive more headbutts, punches, kicks, grabs and toy-shots to the jimmy-jangles than fathers of older kids. A quick informal Facebook poll of a group of dad bloggers unrelated to the study revealed that plenty of dads are receiving more than their fair share of peter punches, groin grabs, cock kicks and ball bashes.

Representatives from There suggest that dads know their limits, and, of course, invest in a little health insurance, which coincidentally, they provide. KA-CHING!