In case you don’t have your ear to the streets, (and why would you, it’s filthy) you might not know about a new trend: the “dad bod”.
In short, the dad bod is the body your dad’s got. you go check him out and tell him we said hello while you’re out. Don’t worry, we’ll wait.
You back? Okay cool. So the dad bod, as you saw, means you’re not cut anymore. You do some sit-ups and maybe run a little, but your youthful definition is gone. It’s cool, man. The ladies are into it. It’s socially acceptable. It’s in GQ, for crying out loud.
But how do you get a dad bod? You’ve got to push yourself. When you’re getting that late night hankering for tacos and usually you’d say “nah self, I’ma just have a big glass of water and call it a night,” you remember dat dad bod and get yourself that midnight fourthmeal. When you wake up early on Saturday thinking “I’ve got enough time to go for a run,” you should instead drive to the doughnut store and get your family of three a baker’s dozen.
I’m not telling you to let yourself go. I’m telling you that in addition to all that mediocre work you put in at the gym, you can also put in a whole medium pizza or half of a large. I’m telling you that it’s okay to look like Spongebob Squarepants; like you’re a big, undefined rectangle with a tie and knee-high socks.
But what are women saying about the dad bod? “Pro dadbod here,” says Allison Davis, of The Cut. “Don’t ever want to see a defined muscle. A dadbod makes me think we could eat pizza in bed together and never feel guilty or judge one another.”
If you really want motivation to get dat dad bod, Davis goes on to say that her friend claims sex with a dad bod is better “because their guts push against your pubic bone in a pleasing way.” YOU PLEASING AS F**K, DAD BOD!
But don’t trade your side quinoa salad (that you JUST learned to choke down) for a side of bacon mac and cheese just yet. You still have to give your body something. If you need some help honing that spongey cake-like physique into something carved out of cookie dough, try our “8BitDad 30 Day Dad Bod Challenge”:
Brent Almond, writer, gay dude, known dad bod, and the genius behind Designer Daddy, simply said of the trend, “meh. These are just straight bears.”
If y’all want to cover our bases and own “dad bears”, I’m down with that too. Anything to feel sexy in our post baby bodies, people. Anything.