X-Men: Apocalypse (May 27)
Punk-rock mohawk Storm is one of the most iconic kick-ass female leadersin comic book history – too bad that the X-Men: Apocalypse trailers make her look like a glorified henchman (and they didn’t even give her hardcore leather vest). While we’re worried that WAY too much focus (and male gaze) will be placed on Olivia Munn’s Psylocke (and the swimsuit she walks around in), we’re hoping that the sheer fact that Jennifer Lawrence is now the biggest star contractually obligated to appear in a X-Men movie (sorry, Hugh Jackman) might just mean that they wrote her a meaty part this time. One can hope. (Don’t hold your breath for X-Men toys with no Wolverine in this one.)
Alice Through the Looking Glass (May 27)
This is an old grudge, but I am still mad that Disney never, ever made a doll or action figure of Alice in new awesome Jabberwocky-fighting armor from the last Wonderland movie. My daughter BEGGED for one for her birthday and I had to explain to her that it simply didn’t exist. With that in mind, I’m preparing myself for lots of Alice “fashion” dolls and not many kick-ass toys when Alice heads Through the Looking-Glass.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (June 3)
Have fun explaining to your daughter why April O’Neil, the female lead of this movie and a professional journalist, decides to dress like a naughty schoolgirl in a goddamn movie about ninja turtles. (You can find worse pictures here.) I can’t even, folks. I. Can’t. Even.
Independence Day: Resurgence (June 24)
Will Smith isn’t the only original ID4 cast member not returning for the Resurgence. For some truly vapid and repellent reason, Mae Whitman, star of Parenthood and The DUFF, will not be returning in her role as President Bill Pullman’s daughter. Why? Because the producers recast the role to bring in a younger, blonder starlet, even though Whitman is awesome and gorgeous and The DUFF was surprisingly kinda great. So, audiences can deal with how much Judd Hirsch has aged, but not Mae Whitman? Gross. Gross, gross, gross.
Ghostbusters (July 15)
This one is going to hurt. Even if the new Ghostbusters is BRILLIANT, people online are going to be VICIOUS about it, simply because the cast is all-female. That’s the whole reason. They’re mad about the girls. And let me say this – I will be EXTREMELY surprised if ANY toys are made from this movie. Sure, there might be some high-end collectable statues, but, trust me, you won’t see Kristen Wiig or Leslie Jones figures in the movie action figure aisle at Target. And, if by some MIRACLE, they do make mainstream 2016 Ghostbusters toys, I bet each girl-buster will be packaged with a guy-buster (maybe their secretary Chris Hemsworth) just to make the toys less “ICKY” for consumers. I’m so worried about the messages sent by the merchandising for this one that I’m not even preparing a #Wheres hashtag. Instead, I think it’ll be something more like #AreYouEffingKiddingMeGhostbusters2016
Star Trek Beyond (July 22)
Did Paramount fire everyone involved in coming up with the “Kirk peeks at Carol Marcus in her underwear like a rapey creep” moment in Star Trek into Darkness? If not, be on red alert for this trip Beyond.