If your August edition of the Californian Journal of Health Promotion has gotten buried on your coffee table, as I know it does, then you missed an article about how prison yoga is making incarcerated fathers into better parents. Because duh. And double duh that this came from a Californian scholarly journal.
So here’s the thing about Super Mario Maker: you can never go back.There’s no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Once you know that you can make Super Mario Bros. levels, you can’t just play Super Mario Bros.anymore. I know this because I tried. For funsies, I revisited Super Mario Bros. 1, and immediately, I sized everything up with Maker eyes:
“It’d be cool if they put an invisible block here…”
“I wonder if a second Koopa Troopa here would trip you up…”
“THIS WOULD KICK ASS WITH MORE FIRE FIRE FIIIIRRRRREEEEEEEE”
You get the point.
It’s the second day of autumn, and if you haven’t already talked to your children about pumpkin spice, it might already be too late.
Pumpkin spice is a wonderful and warm mix of cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, ginger and cloves. It signals the coming of the autumnal holidays of Halloween and Thanksgiving, easing folks into the also-cinnamon-drenched Christmas season that begins the moment the last person at your Thanksgiving dinner table puts their dessert fork down.
Pumpkin spice is also a historically-weird thing; it’s got a vague rise to American stardom, mired in really, terribly imperialist beginnings. But, but, but – it’s still delicious, you say! It still works in sweet and savory things alike!
But that’s exactly why you need to talk to your kids about pumpkin spice.
In a study that in no way has to do with human fathers, scientists at the University of Cambridge found that all the good dads in the burying beetle world were dying younger.
Burying beetles, BTW, are these nasty-ass bugs that find dead birds and mice and bury the carcass. They then lay their eggs near it, and the larvae hatch, crawl into the carcass and feed on the dead animal and we all throw up just thinking about it.
But we’re going somewhere with this.
Everyone writes these great stories about the things about fatherhood that surprised them. Wonderful, pie-in-the-sky stuff, like how first-time-father-dudes never truly knew how to love until they saw their child’s eyes. Or the surprise of having to learn how to do girl’s hair as the father of a daughter.
That’s all totally valid.
But there are a lot of things that are very not-shocking about fatherhood. Things that, when they happen, you saw them from so far away that you actually forgot about them until they were right there, running you over.
There are a lot of surprising things about fatherhood, but there are a lot of no-brainers, obvi…
Dear every other parent in the drop-off / pick-up line at school tomorrow,
I know that school just started. I know that it’s an exciting time for you and for your small child. But please, please, pretty fucking please, stay in your line. I know it’s tough…I’m sympathetic to your pain. I’m in line too.
Thing is, we’re all in line. So get your ass where it needs to be and inch forward like everyone else. Thumbs up emoji.
A Maryland man who visited sick kids in the hospital dressed as Batman was killed Sunday when a car on the interstate hit his custom Batmobile.
The 51 year old man, Lenny Robinson, was pronounced dead at the scene.
In the 1980’s, Hulk Hogan was a phenomenon. He was the most recognizable face of professional wrestling for decades, and “Hulkamania” swept the nation, creating never-ending waves of merchandising, tie-ins and sound bites. Many people were inspired to wrestle after watching that golden-haired Hulk leg drop competitor after competitor. Others were inspired to name their children “Hulk.” Now, through Hulk Hogan’s lawsuit with Gawker Media, news has emerged that Hogan made racist remarks found in a leaked sex tape transcript. This news has caused the WWE to fire Hogan and scrub their sites of his existence.
So how do parents who named their children after the wrestling icon feel now that we know he’s a flaming racist?