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Blog

Personal blog posts and stories.

5 Reasons I Need Pepto This Holiday Season
2 years ago

5 Reasons I Need Pepto This Holiday Season

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It has been zero days since my last heartburn.

Welcome to the holiday season – a stretch of calendar days where people of every culture have at least one day set aside for gift giving and eating. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I am in a constant state of satisfaction and indigestion. Should I be eating all of the foods? At once? YES AND YUM.

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Your Childhood Will Not Be Ruined If “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Sucks
2 years ago

Your Childhood Will Not Be Ruined If “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Sucks

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Your Childhood Will Not Be Ruined If "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" Sucks

We all just watched that new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, right?

It was… solid. Intriguing, nostalgic, raised more questions than it answered. (Still no Luke? The Force is a myth again? Why do Star Wars people always forget about magic religions within one generation? Who is Rey? Why does hyperspace look different? Is this the first time we’ve ever had in-atmosphere X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter battles? Because they look AWESOME.)

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5 Things That Did Not Shock Me About Fatherhood
2 years ago

5 Things That Did Not Shock Me About Fatherhood

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Everyone writes these great stories about the things about fatherhood that surprised them. Wonderful, pie-in-the-sky stuff, like how first-time-father-dudes never truly knew how to love until they saw their child’s eyes. Or the surprise of having to learn how to do girl’s hair as the father of a daughter.

That’s all totally valid.

But there are a lot of things that are very not-shocking about fatherhood. Things that, when they happen, you saw them from so far away that you actually forgot about them until they were right there, running you over.

There are a lot of surprising things about fatherhood, but there are a lot of no-brainers, obvi…

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Parents in the School Pick-up Line: We All Hate it Too, Get the F**k in Line
2 years ago

Parents in the School Pick-up Line: We All Hate it Too, Get the F**k in Line

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Dear every other parent in the drop-off / pick-up line at school tomorrow,

I know that school just started. I know that it’s an exciting time for you and for your small child. But please, please, pretty fucking please, stay in your line. I know it’s tough…I’m sympathetic to your pain. I’m in line too.

Thing is, we’re all in line. So get your ass where it needs to be and inch forward like everyone else. Thumbs up emoji.

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Dear Jay Cutler, I Almost Left Too
2 years ago

Dear Jay Cutler, I Almost Left Too

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So Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is all over the social news today because wife, Kristin Cavallari, lit him up on Instagram for not being able to handle the rigors of parenthood.

Cutler was alone with his two sons (a 2 year old and an 8 month old) for some period of time while Cavallari was out of town, and as she announced her arrival (“the eagle has landed”), she faced a barrage of panic (that you can see above), ending in “I’m about to leave”. And hey, it might have been a joke, who knows.

But all I’m here to say – to you dear readers, and to Jay Cutler – is: I get it.

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A Perfect Moment in Fatherhood
3 years ago

A Perfect Moment in Fatherhood

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Fatherhood is really something sometimes.

Tonight, my son and I found ourselves crying into each other over a video game theme song. And it was a perfect moment.

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My Son Missed Out On the Golden Age of Video Game Arcades
3 years ago

My Son Missed Out On the Golden Age of Video Game Arcades

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I can’t think of old style video game arcades without getting a little misty. Those loud, dark rooms, packed with upright arcade machines, all singing to themselves, ready to explode when someone dropped a quarter into them…it was magic.

A magic that, frankly, kids these days don’t get.

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Being a Healthy Dad is Difficult, But Important
3 years ago

Being a Healthy Dad is Difficult, But Important

One of the most terrifying things about growing up is balancing health. And becoming a dad, you are all of the sudden in charge of another person’s life: your child’s. So while worrying about your kid’s health, it’s natural to kind of forget about your own.

And that’s what’s terrifying me about getting older. I’ve hit the age where my friends and I have more frequent conversations about whose mother or father had died, or which of my graduating class (1998!) was the first to have a heart attack. I’ve got an incredible group of friends, online and off – and it terrifies me when I more frequently hear about them “hitting that age” where health is starting to catch up with them. I wonder when it’ll catch up with me.

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