You were there to conceive this kid (probably), and you were there to see him destroy your wife’s flower on his way into the world. You took paternity leave, you read the books, you cried at all the appropriate times…you did everything right. But being a dad doesn’t stop there. In the words of some father’s day craft I did in kindergarten, “anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
There’s unfortunately no entrance exam into the world of fatherhood. Anyone with a mostly-functioning penis can find a place to plant his seed. It’s called the “Law of Averages“…or at least, it’s a nice misinterpretation of it (basically, if you keep wearing that t-shirt with the NES controller on it that says “I like to score,” eventually some chick will think it’s hot). When that seed you planted enters the world, you’ve got a 24/7 responsibility to make sure this kid thrives in a meaningful way…despite you.
Welcome to the list of things you’ve done to ruin your child.
If you’re 30-ish and had even a base-level interest in basketball in the early 90’s, you probably, like me, spent a lot of time screaming at the top of your lungs 1 inch from your friend’s face after dunking on him in NBA Jam Tournament Edition. Good news for you and your sports aggression – NBA Jam is back, and although you’ve grown up, the game hasn’t…and that’s a good thing.
A great thing, actually, as NBA Jam on the Wii serves as a great game for you and your budding basketball fan to play together. It’s a – dare I say – “charming” mix of the old school Jam you loved, with a couple new things to keep your youngin engaged when you’re not there screaming “BOOMSHAKALAKA” 1 inch from his face.
I’m not the biggest television viewer (weight jokes aside), but I’ve been noticing a trend for years about the representation of television fathers. And guys, it’s not good. Even in my youth, I remember seeing negative paternal role models on television. I wanted to analyze some of the past and present television fathers. Most notably the bad ones, since that’s what stood out to me, even when I was a child.
Since I know I’m already losing your attention, I’ll say this right off the bat – Bill Cosby played an idiot. And even though the black community was enamoured with The Cosby Show, Bill Cosby really didn’t do any favors for fathers of the world.
It’s 11pm: you’ve tried stepping outside, a change in atmosphere, loud music, driving them in their car seat with the windows down, and your baby is still going apesh*t with no signs of colic since it happens at the same time every night for a short period of time. AND it’s not even Halloween. What do you do? What can you do?
So you tell a close relative or friend (that has children) about what you’re going through and they spit back “Ahh, sounds like the witching hour”. First of all, not everyone who knows about the witching hour is a witch. So don’t try to find out if they are, in fact, a witch.
What’s rad is that this newborn phase is short-lived (roughly 4-8 weeks), and it is different for every baby. Read on to harvest more information about your newly acquired demon baby.
Some of you are reading this and thinking “no kidding, you think I’m going to let my kid play Halo: Reach?” But you’d be surprised how many parents out there still don’t pay attention to the ESRB ratings of games, and are fooled by the idea that violence in space is not violence.
You know, the whole “tree falls in forest” thing. If someone gets their head cut off in space, did it truly count as violence?
What makes this review especially tough is that Halo: Reach is a great game, and it’s really fun. But it’s just not appropriate for kids. It’s probably more violent than other games in the Halo series, and because of that, you should be wary of it when your 10 year old tells you that everyone’s playing it and he’s GOT to have it. Read on for the full review.
Hint: the answer is – because you’ve finally got a minute to yourself, and nature is a sick bitch. Other than that, I guess according to CNN, via Parenting.com, it’s got to do with the air in their room or something – which squarely falls on you, dad, for keeping their room so dark/light/dry/moist.
CNN offers a guide on the most common at-night illnesses and how to combat them. Fortunately with 20 months of fatherhood under my belt, I pretty much know everything, so I’ll tell you the real reasons why kids get sick at night and what to do.
Years ago, I worked for a men’s and fathers’ issue radio show called “His Side with Glenn Sacks“. And make no mistakes – it was the LARGEST men’s and fathers’ issues show in America at that time. Of course, it was one of the few men’s issues shows, largely because of the “boys don’t cry” mentality of America, and the assumption that men simply don’t have issues, and if they do, it’s because they caused them.
In any event, Robert Franklin, Esq. recently put up an article about domestic violence and “intimate terrorism,” which I at first thought was a sexy bedroom game. As Franklin explains, I’m wrong (go figure); intimate terrorism “is psychological or physical abuse that is intended to – and does – control the behavior of the other partner.”
His article is a good read, and it got me thinking about how we teach our daughters, as a society, that it’s okay to hit men.
Since we now live in a digital age, long gone are the days when parents thumb through their own music collection to find the least-inappropriate music to share with their babies, toddlers and children. No more plopping a kid down on his play mat and tossing a James Taylor or Hall & Oates cassette into the boombox for playtime. Now that we’re plugged into the matrix, we’ve got tons of sources for music these days – and those options also filter down to our young ones (for better or worse).
Today, I’ll take a look at three popular online music streaming services – Pandora Radio, Slacker Radio, and Radiotime.com – and the options that they offer you in the Children’s Music genre.
See how they stacked up after the break.