If you ever wanted to know how and why humanity is doomed to fail, look no further than the commercials interspersed during your kids’ favorite television shows. Though there’s been a recent resurgence of cool superhero stuff out there in toy stores, not all kid products are created equal. Among the newly-gendered LEGO sets, NERF sniper rifles and we-swear-its-not-just-marshmallows cereal commercials, you see just how low humanity can get.
How low? Well, let’s just put it this way: imagine everything you can exist without owning. Now take those ideas and make them worse.
Then head over to the next page for three prime examples (plus a bonus!) of why the meteor needs to end us sooner rather than later.
You know those Bud Light “Real Men of Genius” ads you hear on the radio? Well, I can hear another one spinning up right now… “Reeeeaaaal Men of Geeeniusssssssss…Here’s to you, Mr. Dad who forgot to pick up more bubble bath for the kids, and had to use his own new shower soap to pacify the kid’s demands for bubbles at bath time. Like Charles Goodyear who accidentally invented vulcanized rubber, or that other jack-wagon who invented silly putty, you single-handedly discovered the best possible use for Old Spice Hair-Body Wash 2-in-1 – making epic amounts of durable bubbles for your kids to play in.”
And that’s exactly what happened about a week ago when I ran out of bubble bath for the kids.
Now we’ve reviewed bubble bath products before, and recommended them merely on the lack of any alternative products out there. We are still right about making that call, because all baby bath and bubble products are crap. Trust me. I’ve tried them all. If you find one I haven’t tried, I defy you post the name of it here, and I will try it.
Or maybe I won’t, because Old Spice just unintentionally solved the problem of crappy bubble bath. Period.
If you’ve got anything by Prime-Line in your house that says “Child Safe,” you’re going to want to panic. Hard.
The first group of effected products are Child Safe …
What can be said about Johnson & Johnson: Johnson’s Bedtime Bath, that hasn’t already been said about a half billion other infant products? Turns out, more or less nothing. Every product sold to you as a parent is proven to and promises to do something.
Those crafty jerks at Johnson & Johnson have somehow promised you that your baby will sleep better.
But better than what?