As a first time parent, long term man, I was super stoked to decorate my daughter’s soon-to-be room, months before my wife’s due date. I painted it a two-tone pink with Disney-branded paint completed by a Disney princess wall border and hot pink baseboard. My wife and I picked out this decent-looking set of white furniture including a crib with vertical slats. We obviously wanted to make her room and the crib as comfortable and as safe as possible, and we also didn’t want the room to look like 1994 Hobo Humpin’ Slobo Babe.
We saw a Disney bed set that matched all the other pink sh*t in the room and thought that we had to get it. It looked great. It really tied the room together, like a nice Persian rug.
Now I wish we never would have bought it.
When a kid is in the crib phase, they accept their fate for good amount of time; my son was generally happy to be in his crib, but we saw a look in his eyes that said, in the plain english that he was not yet able to speak, “dudes, you realize that I’m out of this motherf***ker the second my leg is long enough to swing up here, right? Once I get out of here, I own the place. I will help myself to food. I will turn on the television and order OnDemand porn. I will log onto this apartment complex’s website and take you off the lease. I will set the couch on fire, and I will crap in a drawer, somewhere, and you won’t find it until it’s too late. BTW, thanks for giving me milk every day. It’s great for my growing bones.”
I don’t know where my son learned to curse, but I’m assuming it came from me. Also, I couldn’t punish him for it since he said it with his eyes, not his mouth.
What can a parent do to keep their kid in bed once the crib front comes off? There are as many opinions as parents, and it seems like every father’s got a solution that’s worked for them and not someone else. After the jump, 8BitDad lets you know what other fathers (and a couple of mothers) have done.
Babies know literally nothing about the world when your wife craps them out. That’s why the best pranks you can play on them are misinformation-based. The guy from LyingToMyKids.com …