It has been zero days since my last heartburn.

Welcome to the holiday season – a stretch of calendar days where people of every culture have at least one day set aside for gift giving and eating. Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I am in a constant state of satisfaction and indigestion. Should I be eating all of the foods? At once? YES AND YUM.

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Some things are too good (or too bad) to keep around forever. This is especially true in the world of junk food, where brands constantly crank out products based on market trends and flimsy pop culture references.

My son will never eat some of the junk food I had when I was younger. I certainly won’t tell you that he’s missing out on some of these. This is a list of tooth-and-organ-rotting garbage. But try not to get nostalgic reading this list of stuff my kid will never be able to eat.

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Fat dudes looking to have kids might want to put down the KFC and pick up the kale. Or put down the tiramisu and get on a treadmill. Or something.

Recent research has found that there is a possible link between paternal obesity and a small panel of children’s cancers.

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Back in October, we told you about the ReadySetEat Dad Cook-Off, brought to you by the Dad 2.0 Summit and ConAgra Foods. Now, the entrants’ recipes have been parsed and 10 8 semi-finalists have been chosen.

Voting begins today, and from here, four finalists will win an all-expenses trip to the Dad 2.013 Summit taking place in Houston, Texas January 31.

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I turned my back on him for an instant and he was gone. I didn’t hear a sound. Except the other customers at REI. But I knew where he’d go. It’s not hard to plot a 2 year old’s path through a camping gear store. When he wasn’t in the tent, I found him playing in the hanging forest of sleeping bags. We looked for boats, climbed on the boot testing rock; and stopped when Ray, who was working in shoes, said to stop. Then checked out and headed to dinner.

I was thinking pizza. Kids will eat pizza because it’s just hand-held spaghetti. But the freeway exit closest to Blind Onion Pizza was closed. I decided to try an unknown quantity: In-N-Out Burger. Unknown because he hasn’t ever really gotten into cheeseburgers. He likes cheese, and sandwiches and meatballs, so I called a cheeseburger a “meatball cheese sandwich” to improve the likelihood he’d eat it. It was still a risk. Dude night could be fight night…

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Dad bloggers who are handy in the kitchen are invited to enter the ReadySetEat Dads’ Cook-Off, sponsored by ConAgra Foods and the Dad 2.0 Summit.

This is a great contest that opposes the myth that men – especially dads – are no good in the kitchen. And four lucky dads will receive a full ride to the Dad 2.0 Summit, happening January 31st, 2013.

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Let’s pretend you’re one of the most-known names in the meat industry. Let’s pretend your number-one selling product is hot dogs. Now, I’ve got no real demographics in front of me, but wouldn’t you want brand loyalty from men? So now, just for funsies, let’s just assume that fathers are men too. Using all this logic, wouldn’t a company like Oscar Mayer want to play friendly with fathers?

They should want to. But they’re not. And fathers, you should be mad. Your friend is stabbing you in the back. And as a coup de grâce, Oscar Mayer even jabs at father bloggers too.

Oscar Mayer’s new suite of commercials is so toxic for fathers that it’s making me rethink grilling season.

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We’ve been talking about this one on Twitter, but it deserves a proper OMFG here. Alicia Silverstone, who’s most known for the movie “Clueless” (but we prefer remembering her as Batgirl in the trainwreck “Batman & Robin“), posted a video on her site, The Kind Life, of her baby-birding food to her son.

You know, as in she-chews-it-up-then-spits-it-into-his-mouth. Or, premastication, for you smart types. Or, The Hunger Games, if you prefer.

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