This ROFLWTF moment is brought to you by Atsushi Shiraishi at the Tama Art University. When you’re a father, you want to be your child’s everything, and what better way to do that than by being your child’s EVERY-F***ING-THING?
That’s why the AthleTitti makes so much sense, even if you can’t say the name without giggling to yourself like a schoolboy. This rope, leather and steel vest provides your child with hand-and-footholds to rival even the finest play equipment at the park. Just know: you will get kicked in the johnson.
Somewhere at the crossroads of Ridiculous Road and Disappointing Boulevard is a school that recently sent home a note for parents, warning them, among other things, that their children might touch mud.
A common criticism from parents these days is that schools have become too soft. Of course, a common criticism from schools these days is that parents have become too litigious. This is the worst standoff ever.
Do schools need to warn parents that their kids might touch mud, rain, plants and trees at school? Holy handgrenades, have we come to this?
Does playing with dolls not cut it anymore for your digital-age daughter? Are you ready to take a knee and impart all of the incredible feelings about being a parent to her? Is she already ovulating at the age of 6? Well then My Baby 3 & Friends for the Nintendo DS might be a great game for her to pick up. While not as offensively loony as, say, the Bratz series – My Baby 3 & Friends is definitely weird enough to make you, as a parent, want to hang yourself.
Your first red flag that you’re in for a doosey is that they tell you that MB3&F “delivers all the fun parenting and baby milestones”. Let me tell you something about milestones. They’re not fun. When someone says your baby should be walking by 10 months, you’re on the ground shaking the crap out of him or her at 10-months-and-1-day thinking they’re behind. If some book somewhere says your kid should be saying 20 words by 18 months old, you’ve got your kid tied to the recliner in front of the television, playing two Your Baby Can Read DVDs at once picture-in-picture. I mean, as a parent, you’re supposed to panic. You’re supposed to care. You’re supposed to be so emotionally invested in your baby, that just the thought of them not being up-to-snuff makes your balls hurt. Just kidding. But you’re supposed to be interested in a way that this DS game ain’t gonna give you.
Oh, and at this time, I should tell you that I haven’t PLAYED My Baby 3 & Friends. So this is no review. Just a head’s up.