It’s Testicle Tuesday, y’all!
So recently, you were all like “dudes, it takes giant balls of steel to be a dad,” and your friends were all like “bro, I saw how you disciplined your kid, it takes big balls to make decisions like that.” So yeah, you’re stoked. You’re like, “I got big, giant, weaponized gorilla balls and that makes me a fantastic father.”
Also, you’re all like “I’ve got a lot of manbatter swimming all up in my balls, and that’s why it was easy to make a baby. Ka-kow!“
But science, you guys, is all like “Dudes, BTW: testicular volume is inversely correlated with nurturing-related brain activity in human fathers.” And now we’re all like “pssshhh, lame. Science, you don’t know me.”
If you’re a five year old Australian kid and you’re sitting there reading 8BitDad while your dad is at work late, first of all, thanks! You have great taste in websites. Second of all, you’re going to turn out to be a hooligan. Because of your dad, not us.
According to a total snorefest called “Mothers’ and Fathers’ Work Hours, Child Gender, and Behavior in Middle Childhood”, Aussie five year olds whose dads work more than 55 hours a week showed “significantly higher levels of externalizing behavior”. That’s science-speak for “total dick behavior.”
The study appears in a recent issue of The Journal of Marriage and Family, which is a great read. On opposite day.
Moms stress out about family, dads don’t. That’s official, courtesy of findings from the American Sociological Association. But fellas, the burden is on you to take it from moms, says the study.
Findings came from the 108th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association. Did 8BitDad attend that conference? You know we did. And by did, we mean didn’t.
Dads, you carefree buttholes! Don’t you know it’s your fault that mom is so stressed? Why don’t you help around the house? Why don’t you ignore your own Eagles-like peaceful, easy feeling and mire in the world-crushing emotional terribleness of momhood?
Well, when you say it like that…
In the world’s smallest survey on the effects of fatherhood, Purdue University found that fathers fuel sibling rivalries. Researchers found that if adult children perceived favoritism by their father toward a sibling, it was on like Donkey Kong.
The study, called “Differential Effects of Perceptions of Mothers’ and Fathers’ Favoritism on Sibling Tension in Adulthood” enlisted (only!) 341 children of 137 “later-life families”, which is a fancy way of saying that the kids were adults and the parents were all silvery and old.
Put on your science hats because this article’s going to have that annoying “less than or equal to” sign in it.
Clinical Endocrinology, a journal about – duh – endocrines and clinics and stuff, published a study that says older dads create kids that are taller, slimmer, but with higher cholesterol.
While there’s long been talk of a woman’s pregnancy glow (despite the soon-to-be-mom often feeling the opposite), a recent study has found that new dads are total hotties, if only in their heads.
The research, from the Journal of Gender Studies, found that while new moms tend to have a lower perceived physical attractiveness, new dads get a boost. A sexy boost.
In August 2012, we pointed out an Icelandic study that found older dads are more likely to have autistic kids. New research now says that the older a man is when he conceives his child, the more likely it is that autism will show up in his grandchildren.
Because we know you want to have to think about multiple generations while piping out the baby batter.
Fat dudes looking to have kids might want to put down the KFC and pick up the kale. Or put down the tiramisu and get on a treadmill. Or something.
Recent research has found that there is a possible link between paternal obesity and a small panel of children’s cancers.