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Science Says: Good Dads Have Smaller Nuts
7 years ago

Science Says: Good Dads Have Smaller Nuts

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Good Dads Small Nuts

It’s Testicle Tuesday, y’all!

So recently, you were all like “dudes, it takes giant balls of steel to be a dad,” and your friends were all like “bro, I saw how you disciplined your kid, it takes big balls to make decisions like that.” So yeah, you’re stoked. You’re like, “I got big, giant, weaponized gorilla balls and that makes me a fantastic father.

Also, you’re all like “I’ve got a lot of manbatter swimming all up in my balls, and that’s why it was easy to make a baby. Ka-kow!

But science, you guys, is all like “Dudes, BTW: testicular volume is inversely correlated with nurturing-related brain activity in human fathers.” And now we’re all like “pssshhh, lame. Science, you don’t know me.

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Australian Study: Dads’ Long Work Hours Make Sons Into Dicks
7 years ago

Australian Study: Dads’ Long Work Hours Make Sons Into Dicks

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rush home aussies

If you’re a five year old Australian kid and you’re sitting there reading 8BitDad while your dad is at work late, first of all, thanks! You have great taste in websites. Second of all, you’re going to turn out to be a hooligan. Because of your dad, not us.

According to a total snorefest called “Mothers’ and Fathers’ Work Hours, Child Gender, and Behavior in Middle Childhood”, Aussie five year olds whose dads work more than 55 hours a week showed “significantly higher levels of externalizing behavior”. That’s science-speak for “total dick behavior.”

The study appears in a recent issue of The Journal of Marriage and Family, which is a great read. On opposite day.

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Fathers Stress Less Than Moms When Thinking About Family Because Science
7 years ago

Fathers Stress Less Than Moms When Thinking About Family Because Science

tony hawk cupcakes

Moms stress out about family, dads don’t. That’s official, courtesy of findings from the American Sociological Association. But fellas, the burden is on you to take it from moms, says the study.

Findings came from the 108th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association. Did 8BitDad attend that conference? You know we did. And by did, we mean didn’t.

Dads, you carefree buttholes! Don’t you know it’s your fault that mom is so stressed? Why don’t you help around the house? Why don’t you ignore your own Eagles-like peaceful, easy feeling and mire in the world-crushing emotional terribleness of momhood?

Well, when you say it like that…

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Purdue Study: Dads Fuel Sibling Rivalry
7 years ago

Purdue Study: Dads Fuel Sibling Rivalry

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legends of the fall

In the world’s smallest survey on the effects of fatherhood, Purdue University found that fathers fuel sibling rivalries. Researchers found that if adult children perceived favoritism by their father toward a sibling, it was on like Donkey Kong.

The study, called “Differential Effects of Perceptions of Mothers’ and Fathers’ Favoritism on Sibling Tension in Adulthood” enlisted (only!) 341 children of 137 “later-life families”, which is a fancy way of saying that the kids were adults and the parents were all silvery and old.

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Study: Older Dads Associated With Taller Kids, Better BMIs, Worse Metabolism
7 years ago

Study: Older Dads Associated With Taller Kids, Better BMIs, Worse Metabolism

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scientists piss

Put on your science hats because this article’s going to have that annoying “less than or equal to” sign in it.

Clinical Endocrinology, a journal about – duh – endocrines and clinics and stuff, published a study that says older dads create kids that are taller, slimmer, but with higher cholesterol.

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Study: New Dads Are Total Hotties
7 years ago

Study: New Dads Are Total Hotties

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hot dad

While there’s long been talk of a woman’s pregnancy glow (despite the soon-to-be-mom often feeling the opposite), a recent study has found that new dads are total hotties, if only in their heads.

The research, from the Journal of Gender Studies, found that while new moms tend to have a lower perceived physical attractiveness, new dads get a boost. A sexy boost.

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Study: Older Fathers More Likely to Have Autistic Grandchildren
7 years ago

Study: Older Fathers More Likely to Have Autistic Grandchildren

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sweden research

In August 2012, we pointed out an Icelandic study that found older dads are more likely to have autistic kids. New research now says that the older a man is when he conceives his child, the more likely it is that autism will show up in his grandchildren.

Because we know you want to have to think about multiple generations while piping out the baby batter.

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Paternal Obesity ‘May Be’ Linked With Increase in Certain Children’s Cancers
7 years ago

Paternal Obesity ‘May Be’ Linked With Increase in Certain Children’s Cancers

By  •  News

hypomethylation Lu Hao

Fat dudes looking to have kids might want to put down the KFC and pick up the kale. Or put down the tiramisu and get on a treadmill. Or something.

Recent research has found that there is a possible link between paternal obesity and a small panel of children’s cancers.

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