A play centre (that’s a center to us, y’all) in the United Kingdom is the subject of much talk lately – but not because of the radical ball pits or epic monkey bars. Kids Go Wild, in Birmingham, England, is making headlines because it has banned men entirely from the facility – even fathers of the children inside.
“Ladies and children only – no boys over 9 allowed” reads one of their signs. Similarly, their partially-done website touts Kids Go Wild as “what you’ve all been waiting for, the UK’s first ladies and children’s only soft play centre!”
The site continues: “A safe, stimulating and fun environment for children and a relaxing place for you!”
Just not you, dad.
A man from the United Kingdom has recently become a proud father. But wait, there’s more: he’s also, within the same three-month period, become a proud grandfather…and great-grandfather.
If you immediately reached for a calculator and logged into a family tree website, you’re not alone.
Guess what, dad? You’re embarrassing, dude. “Researchers found that children are embarrassed by their father,” says an article in The Daily Mail, “thanks to their bad fashion sense, lack of style and even the car they drive.”
The totally objective study was commissioned by Specsavers (ahem, dot co, dot uk) to coincide with their “Dob in your dad” campaign and contest to find Britain’s least style-savvy dad. The study involved 2,000 13-21 year olds, and found some incredibly disheartening results.
A 12 year old boy recently ran up a sum of £1,150 on his father’s credit card on Xbox Live, and dad’s crying foul, saying the kid didn’t know it was real money.
British dude Sam Ghera had registered his credit card on Microsoft’s console and online service for his son to cover the £5.99 monthly cost of Xbox Live. The 48 year old father didn’t know that his son Nik had spend the sum (equivalent to almost $1,800 USD) for “weapons and extra features” playing Call of Duty and Fifa on Xbox Live with his friends. Sam says that between December and June, Nik spent away, not noticing that his game enhancements were costing “real world money.”
Sam obviously wants Microsoft to refund the money, since clearly, there’s no possible way a 12 year old kid could know that buying things costs money.
Marcella Marino’s father, cleverly named “Marcello”, styled his 4-year-old daughter’s updo with Lady Gaga precision for a school photo at her reception class. A pretty epic accomplishment for any father, he flawlessly worked her hair into a bow (which he has done more than once).
The fashion police school managed to uphold the dress code to an overzealous extent. The “code” (regarding hair) for the Holy Trinity Primary School requests that ribbons or bows are “made of dark colors, maroon/navy blue/black” and states strictly that “hair braids/beads may not be worn.”
The fact is, Christian/Catholic schools are a pain in the ass when it comes to this kind of bullsh*t. I know, because I went to a private Catholic school and I also had long hair back then. This was, of course, in the late 1980s. You know, when long hair wasn’t “cool” during the days of Mötley Crüe, Guns N’ Roses, and Poison.
Kids can be brutally honest. They can also remind you how old you are and how the music you love is terribly lame. This has been happening for generations so don’t feel too bad that your kids won’t ever fully appreciate Every Rose Has It’s Thorn or anything.
Noisey is slowly becoming one of my favorite channels on YouTube, simply because of the “You Review” bits where kids spout off opinions on music. It’s one of those “F*CK, I wish I had thought of that” pieces of entertainment you just can’t bypass on a rainy day.
Just a couple of days ago, we talked about an NME article that reported Adele’s promise to spit in her father’s face if she ever saw him …
Adele, who we can now assume doesn’t like her dad much, said if she ever sees him, she “will spit in his face.”
Mark Evans, Adele’s father, …