Star Wars Battlefront has faced some mixed reviews in its first week; it’s a fun couch co-op game, but reviewers almost unanimously mourn the lack of both more single and multiplayer content. Nevertheless, it’s a really fun game, and even more fun to play with your kids. Just one tip: first, get ’em a fake I.D.
Before you hop in the car and drive to some shady alley downtown, you won’t need a real fake I.D. But it might take some number-fudging and superfluous accounts to get your children playing Star Wars Battlefront online. Keep reading for a step-by-step process to get them online.
Super Mario Bros. 3 is still an incredible game. We thought we’d pay a little homage to it the best way we know how: asking you which of Super Mario Bros. 3‘s powerups best describes your parenting style.
Are you firey? Do you throw hammers? Do you avoid parenting duties by standing still like a statue? We made a graphic that’ll help you decide…
So here’s the thing about Super Mario Maker: you can never go back.There’s no putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Once you know that you can make Super Mario Bros. levels, you can’t just play Super Mario Bros.anymore. I know this because I tried. For funsies, I revisited Super Mario Bros. 1, and immediately, I sized everything up with Maker eyes:
“It’d be cool if they put an invisible block here…”
“I wonder if a second Koopa Troopa here would trip you up…”
“THIS WOULD KICK ASS WITH MORE FIRE FIRE FIIIIRRRRREEEEEEEE”
You get the point.
Yesterday was the last day of E3 2015. I got a chance to attend and check out some of the really cool upcoming games — Street Fighter V! Disney Infinity 3.0! Mario Maker! — and even got to take selfies with some of my favorite industry personalities. But 10 years ago, I was taking a whole different kind of photo.
2005: E3 has been bubbling up in the early 2000’s and at the show, it’s getting harder and harder to find the games as you drown in a sea of promotional toys and “booth babes.” I’m slowly shuffling forward in a neverending line of nerds, but instead of inching toward a playable demo, I’m — oh, wait, it’s my turn.
I walk up a couple of faux stone steps, and there are three “booth babes” standing at the top. All day, they’ve been posing with men up there. I say “hey, so I’m doing something a little different,” and the second one of them starts to nod, I drop to the ground and slump down the steps. My friend says “it’s okay, this is his thing,” and snaps the picture. The women laugh as we walk away. The next 400 men squeeze between the women and wrap their arms around them, proudly posing for their photo as if they’ve done something other than stand in line for it.
Back when it was a totally dope diss to say “don’t have a cow, man”, kids had a vocabulary full of pop culture. There was something magical about old video games’ vocal snippets. Because games had limited memory, and because we were dealing with cartridges and CDs instead of giant hard drive installs, sound bytes were short, succinct and hilarious.
My friends and I would dole out disses and exclamations based on video game sound bites. I wonder how many of these were common among your group of friends too! The best thing is that I’ve found that some old school video game phrases are totally still usable now that I’m a father…
Game: NBA Jam (1993)
System: Arcade, Genesis, Game Gear, SEGA CD, SNES, Game Boy
Usage: After jamming home some trash next to your unaware child.
Of course. NBA Jam was a game full of sound bites and quotables. And while “he’s on fire” was commonly thrown around by my friends, the more forceful exclamation was a gentle “BOOMSHAKALAKA” yelled into the ear of a friend who merely had the bad luck of standing next to a trash can while you had something to throw out. You’d throw down the trash so authoritatively that let’s face it, you should have looked into a career as a garbage man. Well, now you’re a parent, so part of your job is being a garbage man, so the next time you need to throw something out, do it with style and scream “BOOMSHAKALAKA!” Your kid will repeat it in no time.
If there’s a God, Andy Baio is doing his or her work.
Andy, a 37 year old dude from Portland, Oregon, has his priorities right. While the rest of us are content to plop our kids down in front of whatever the most recent video game is, Baio wanted to know what would happen if he ran his son through the history of video games from past to present.
I can’t tell you how badly I wanted to leap through the computer and hug the crap out of Andy when I first read this story.