This ROFLWTF moment is brought to you by Atsushi Shiraishi at the Tama Art University. When you’re a father, you want to be your child’s everything, and what better way to do that than by being your child’s EVERY-F***ING-THING?
That’s why the AthleTitti makes so much sense, even if you can’t say the name without giggling to yourself like a schoolboy. This rope, leather and steel vest provides your child with hand-and-footholds to rival even the finest play equipment at the park. Just know: you will get kicked in the johnson.
Our modern connectivity is a marvelous thing, and never more marvelous than when it’s connecting a father with his child.
And BTW, if you don’t want your noodle baked, then stop reading. Things are about to get cranked up to 11 on the future scale.
How crazy could connectivity get, right? How about a dad watching his baby’s birth through a VR headset? How about dads feeling their unborn children kicking through a smartwatch?
IS YOUR BRAIN MELTY YET?
Parents! Touch down your helicopters and pull away from your Excel-based poop schedule pivot tables and put down your “baby’s first binary” flash cards. This is something that’s gonna really rev your rotors.
So there’s this new thing called the Sproutling, which – TL;DR – gives you full-on info about your baby right on a phone app. See, now you won’t even have to peel yourself off Facebook or Candy Crush to check on your baby. Not that you ever thought you’d have to.
The Sproutling is currently taking preorders and will be shipping March 2015. That’s like, the future, Marty.
Malaysian dude and father of two, Ray Teng, wanted to create something that would help if his children were to ever find themselves in trouble. He created a software solution-turned-wearable panic button that will broadcast a child’s whereabouts both to their guardian list, as well as other nearby network users. That way, if a child is kidnapped, not only will parents receive notification, but people with the app nearby can snap to action, looking for anything suspicious.
Teng is part of the team at WaryBee, which now fashions their wearable beacon creation inconspicuously as jewelry. First, Teng and his team tried software triggered by motion activation and voice activation. But the false positives weren’t working. That’s how the idea for wearable tech styled like jewelry came about.