In the last couple of days, Consumer Reports came out with a study where they tested juices and found unsafe levels of arsenic and lead. Yikes. Everyone’s been in on similar studies for the last couple months, including the FDA, who pushed back and saying that juice is safe. Consumer Reports then fired back and said that the FDA doesn’t test as much as they should.
The big stink: Consumer Reports tested 88 samples of apple and grape juice found in local grocery stores and found that 10% had arsenic levels that were higher than the US federal drinking-water standards! In addition, 25% of them also had levels of lead rating higher than the FDA’s own bottled-water limit. Burn.
So basically, it seems that juice right now is in the “iffy” category.
You were there to conceive this kid (probably), and you were there to see him destroy your wife’s flower on his way into the world. You took paternity leave, you read the books, you cried at all the appropriate times…you did everything right. But being a dad doesn’t stop there. In the words of some father’s day craft I did in kindergarten, “anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.”
There’s unfortunately no entrance exam into the world of fatherhood. Anyone with a mostly-functioning penis can find a place to plant his seed. It’s called the “Law of Averages“…or at least, it’s a nice misinterpretation of it (basically, if you keep wearing that t-shirt with the NES controller on it that says “I like to score,” eventually some chick will think it’s hot). When that seed you planted enters the world, you’ve got a 24/7 responsibility to make sure this kid thrives in a meaningful way…despite you.
Welcome to the list of things you’ve done to ruin your child.